Weaning is extremely anticlimactic. Given all the time I spent agonizing over it, the actual experience of my last nursing session was just like any other. Nursing was part of our lives everyday for nearly 19 months and then one day it just wasn’t. I’m not sure what I was expecting exactly, mind you.

Maybe a part of me imagined my daughter and I sharing some profound moment where we both understood it was the end of this chapter. With tears in our eyes and love in our hearts we’d bravely wish farewell to breastfeeding, holding each other tight as the credits rolled. Whoa, where did I go just there?

Did I expect the world to gasp at my sacrifice and my amazing skills at weaning my child? What an amazing mother! I’ve never seen such incredible planning and implementation!

Perhaps a small part of me hoped for some meaningful gift from my partner to signify his gratitude for the astounding love I showered on our child by breastfeeding all these months. Thanks honey! These line earrings I’ve been eyeing for months will always remind me of this momentous occasion. But really, I think weaning gifts could definitely catch on. Are you with me ladies?

Instead, however, I got a child who doesn’t seem too bothered by the whole thing, a husband who’s a bit indifferent either way, a very heavy period, and a pretty pathetic case of the poor me’s.

Shit. That’s just parenthood, right? I have to accept that I’m not getting a parade every time I accomplish something as a mama. Learning to be more selfless hurts sometimes, you know?

To be absolutely fair, our first overnight without the peanut is fast approaching (this Sunday). We’re going to a beautiful hotel, eating at a delicious restaurant, visiting some local vineyards, getting massages, and if we’re especially lucky we may even sleep in. That could not really happen without weaning and some alone time together spent pampering seems an appropriate start to this next chapter. Ok, so I obviously have it pretty great and probably sound like a real jerk for whining about it.

I think I’m still just stuck in the post-breastfeeding, mid-prepping, pre-vacation stage. And I’m probably missing that sweet little oxytocin boost at night too. I might also very possibly be a teensy bit nervous about the whole going away thing.

Nervous slash feel-guilty-how-excited-I-am.

Emotions are confusing.