Because my brain is like a sieve…


I spent a lot of time over the course of my pregnancy and since my daughter L was born, reading mommy blogs. It helped me feel connected when I was at my most isolated, to enlighten me when I felt most uncertain. One thing that kept niggling at the back of my mind, though, was that I too should be logging my experience. And reflecting back on that time, at all the sleepless nights (months really), the tears, the inexpressible joys, the rapid-fire growth and changes of my lovely baby girl and the feeling is even more acute. And I just realized: it’s not too late. So I’ve decided to make a very minor commitment to writing a paragraph a week on motherhood and everything that I’m experiencing and witnessing.

In the past three months, L has gone from sitting up to pulling herself up to crawling and now she’s walking with a little help. And in between she started making more distinct sounds, including mama and dada, and clapping and mimicking and it’s all just zipping by. In a week she’ll be 10 months! And since my brain is more like a sieve everyday, I really just want to grasp onto some kind of timeline, make some sort of record of everything I’m seeing and feeling. And sure I have a baby book for her, but for some reason it’s so easy to neglect, and she’s only my first! I now totally understand why, as the youngest of four, my book had something like two-and-a-half pages filled out. The questions they ask just aren’t right somehow. Too specific or too vague. There’s too much room for some answers and not enough for others. And printing out pictures is a whole other thing. I made her grandparents photo books through the Black’s website for Christmas and I think I actually preferred that and the creativity it involved, even though it was way more work than I’d anticipated.

But I do want to record all the little details as well. The first steps, sounds, teeth, and everything in between. As someone who has found it intimidating and challenging to meet new moms and build lasting connections, I’m learning different ways to feel more connected – through classes and outings and time with family and non-mom friends or mom-friends with older kids – and maybe releasing some of my fears out into the ether will give me more confidence as well. Either way, it just feels good to write about something that means everything to me.

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