Once more with feeling.

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I have been making excuses again. It’s summer. I’m busy. I have nothing to write. Blah blah blah. You know the drill. Truth is, I have some news and I wasn’t ready to share it so I let myself fall off the grid a bit. Sure, I could’ve just written about the many other things going on in my life, but that was too simple, see. So instead I’ve been avoiding and procrastinating. Thing is, the longer I do that, the harder the next post becomes and the crummier I feel.

So here it is: we’re expecting baby number two! I’m nearly 18 weeks along, in fact. That protruding belly’s not just a result of all my food indulgences of late, I swear! This baby really does like butter tarts, though.

To be honest, I’ve been writing-adverse for a few other (related) reasons too.  My colourful new array of emergent emotions and my ever-morphing body, to name but two. I genuinely forgot how much happens physically and mentally in the very first few weeks and months of growing a human. There are the little things like getting easily winded immediately from the slightest incline, going from 3 cups of coffee a day to hearing my heartbeat in my ears after one sip, my ever-expanding chest, minor but irksome headaches, moments of queasiness and many random food aversions (and, yes, cravings). Fascinating stuff, that. Then there was the tougher stuff. There was a good four weeks where I struggled with a heavy kind of exhaustion and an alarmingly familiar, but long-dormant depression that, honestly, scared the shit out of me. Hormones, am I right? It arrived in conjunction with my little L’s own heightened tantrums and the collision of the two was…well, let’s just say it was challenging and, um, educational. Yes, that’s a nice positive spin on it.

The good news is that the second trimester arrived with it’s oft-promised boost, thank goodness. And just in case those feelings re-emerge, my OB connected me with a counselor, which is comforting. I like to be prepared. So yes, outside of the endless urination, the need for some additional z’s and the pronounced bump (that arrived quite a bit sooner than it did with the first), I’ve been feeling relatively normal. I don’t even feel the how-the-hell-are-we-going-to-do-this panic I kind of anticipated with the second.

Honestly, my main feelings of late have just been variants of complete fucking awe with my first baby. She is constantly blowing the lid off my expectations, I tells ya. That is the real shame in my writing absence because my memory is for shit, as I’ve shared, and I can barely keep up with everything Leni is teaching me as it is.

So I’m recommitting myself (again) to more regular posts. And I guess I now have that much more to discuss…

 

 

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